In relationships we will crave what we did not have growing up, but be attracted to what we did have growing up. This is bondage. Brokenness attracting more brokenness.
The relationship fills a missing need which is for love and attention. They shower you with love, or are very charming. Giving you this attention that makes you feel good.
You find yourself accepting things in the relationship that you shouldn’t be accepting because it’s hard for you say no.
You don’t act on the knowledge or the reality of the relationship
So what is the driving force behind you staying in the relationship?
- To ward of depression. ” If I leave it will hurt”.
- How would you feel?
- When was this feeling met as a child? Or what is your relationship to this feeling?
- This stuck feeling, of not being able to leave is rooted in an empty place that was not filled by parents. Men you’re picking are like dad. Emotionally unavailable to her, unwilling to love, not keeping promises
- So you subconsciously try to fill the place her father should have filled with similar people who will in reality never be able to fill the need. The inability to leave the relationship would mean I am saying no to the need I always wanted met since childhood.
- Take inventory of your childhood unmet needs. Look into those broken places, fill those needs in the body of Christ or with safe friendships
- Unmet developmental needs are responsible for our resistance to setting boundaries in relationships. Saying no, leaving, speaking up about what you need presents a threat to you, so you stay stuck in the relationship, unable to move.
A great solution is to begin to consult with a counselor, life coach like myself, or have a good support system of friends that you can trust to help you with making the right decision in this relationship. A support system helps to pull out your blind spots and is there to love on you when you’ve made the decision to leave or stay.
