You may have been on several dates, so you’re frustrated with dating right now. The men seem to be all the same. Playing the same head games of not looking for anything serious. They say things like they want to be just friends, or worse you’re having trouble with men rejecting you because you’re abstaining from sex until marriage.
Well, outside of some deeper issues for choosing the wrong men, a woman can use discernment in her next relationship by looking at these key characteristics of a good man. A woman should take her time to get to know a man on a deeper level before she allows her emotions to cloud her judgment. These are 5 things you should look for in a man before allowing yourself to take the relationship seriously:
1. Self-Accountability – Accountability is being honest and owning mistakes versus shifting blame or making excuses. Does he own his mistakes by apologizing? Or make excuses for them?
2. Disciplined – Does he say what he means and mean what he says? Does he do what he says he’s going to do? Can he control himself around you physically? Boys can’t control themselves sexually, a man knows how to control himself and how to respect a woman’s body. 2 Thessalonians 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us.
3. Not a Burden – He is not a burden on you financially, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Yes, relationships require work and are flawed by nature. But there is a difference between being flawed vs. being broken. A broken relationship drains you. You feel worn out after conversations with the person, versus feeling uplifted or good. You are usually a calm and collected person, but with this person, you’re irritated and always on defense. These are all bad signs and should not be ignored.
Mentally/Emotionally – You should feel good being around him. Uplifting, he should be adding goodness to your life. Not adding a dark cloud over your life. Do you usually have good things to say about your relationship with him? Or is it usually bad? Pay attention to how his presence is affecting the climate of your life & be honest with yourself about this assessment. This is an example of self-love. I love myself enough that if this relationship hurts me, I will not allow it to continue.
Finances– A man should have his own money and already be taking care of himself period.
4. His Relationship With God – While there is no true measure of a person’s relationship with God and it doesn’t sound good to say I have a better relationship with God than he does. The Bible does talk about mature believers and new in faith. Assuming you’re a mature believer yourself (a Doer of the word, not just a ‘quoter’ or listener of the word), you want a man with a spiritual walk that matches yours. A man should be leading in his spiritual walk with God, not leaning on you to show him the ropes. Yes, you two may have different strengths and weaknesses in your spiritual walk with God, but I believe that if it’s meant for you two to become one then your strengths will complement his weaknesses and vice versus.
Remember that If you’re a woman ready for marriage this man has to cover you, loving you like Christ loves the church, washing you with the word. How can he do this when he doesn’t know Christ or how to pray?
A covering is someone who has spiritual authority. So you want a man who is solid in his faith, unwavering, and takes the lead in his relationship with God.
So how does a good woman find a good man? She needs to know what makes a man good first. A good man is a man who is submitted to God, and the evidence of this is proven through his character. She should be walking closely enough with God that she submits to his leadership in her life. If she is in alignment with her purpose then she’s already on the right path to finding the man God has for her. A good woman is naturally led to a good man.
